I am becoming more and more convinced that what is lacking in most people’s lives is a relationship where one can be open, honest, and vulnerable about the struggles they face in life.
As I dive more into the ministry of serving others as a pastor I notice the incredible absence of these kinds of relationships, yet these kinds of relationships are exactly what people a) describe as a desire or b) is what they desperately need as they face the enormous challenge of simply being a fallen human being.
This may point to an issue of trust we have in relationship to and with one another. We’ve been burned in the past. We’ve opened up only to have people use what we’ve shared against us. We fear the ridicule or judgement of others – or the shame of saying out loud what we know in our hearts: we’ve failed…and sometimes miserably.
It may also point to the issue of busyness…we just don’t have time for that kind of thing. After all, it would take a great deal of emotional, relational, and logistical investment to make a relationship like that happen.
James writes this at the close of his book, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Could we then say, no confession, no healing? Would it be safe to say that there are a lot of us who are walking around sick while pretending like it’s all ok?
As I think about serving my own church I’m beginning to believe one of the most helpful things I can create space for is these kinds of relationships where people can open up about what’s going on underneath the smiling surface. Come on…nobody’s that happy all the time, are they?! We all need someone to stand with us, but we also need to invite people to the space next to us.
Practical questions:
a) Do you have a confessional friendship? A person (of the same sex!) who you can share what goes on beneath the surface?
b) If not, who are the people in your life that might be that kind of person for you?
c) If you can think of no one, who are a few people who you want to get to know at a deeper level? Will you invest the time and take the initiative?
d) If you’ve been journeying with Jesus for some time, perhaps you can be the person people can come to…perhaps it’s time to make some new friends.
These kinds of relationships don’t just happen overnight. They take time to cultivate and develop. However, once established these types of friendships are what God uses to form and shape us into the image of Jesus. God uses them to help us become whole. They encourage us, listen to us, challenge us, and rebuke us…in each case with Christ-centered love where mercy triumphs over judgment. God did not create us to live isolated, disconnected lives. Part of redemption is the redemption of relationship with one another…to be naked (figuratively speaking 😉 ) with one another and share those parts of our life that shame us. As we bring those things to light before God and these friends we find healing and come more fully into the life God has created for us to live.